I hate what prettythin has become

with facebook and twitter and whatnot, it aggravates me so much

it is no longer a secure place to talk

not that I have really been on it in a long time but still

Sometimes, I wish Marcus and Sharon did not love me

They give me so much, and I can never pay them back

I dream of winning the lottery and then in my dreams I give Sharon a million dollars so she can be happy

and then I pay for things that will make Marcus and I have a great life (because I have decided I am marrying him but not like I am ever going to say that to him, it makes me sound like I am twelve)

But anyway, if they didn't love me, then I could go be a stripper and make serious cash to pay for my schoolimg

and do drugs to keep me skinny

but I don't want to turn into my mom

so I dream of things that will never happen because I don't have the determination (or care) to get off my fat ass and do anything about it

I dream of having cancer so I have a reason to feel bad for myself (and then I would get all icky and skinny and I would love it)

what happens if you take too much codeine? hmm

happy turkey birthday

So today is my birthday

I got my wisdom teeth out friday

did nothing but be a drugged up bitch all weekend

I don't even know how much I gained

but I cannot puke for 3-4 weeks or I will get crazy infected

I just want cheesecake

and a knife

to eat and then slice my life away

happy fucking birthday to me

all of life's questions...

So postsecret

I hate it.

its all so fucking true

and I wish that sometimes I could share those secrets

that I was those people

fuck

such a good weekend and then one little thing upsets me

114.2

99+15.2

15 pounds to go

4 dropped since monday

pukeypuke

starvrystarve

walking for fashionweek is why i do this dumb shit

feels good to be back

Hello my name is CJ

I seem to be caring less and less about this bullshit

and I want to care more

but I am in such a great place in my life right now

that im like 'hey, ive got a bit, its not that bad'

who the fuck is this and where did my brain go

I need to start mentally breaking down again, self sabotaging everything except school

so that I start caring about my legs

and my ass

and the fat inside of my body

fuck I'm fucking pissed and I have no reason to be

So confused about all of this

who knows

I never blog anymore

I always feel like I am too busy

but really, I am just trying to not think about my weight and how repulsive I am

In my own place, I am in control of what I eat and when and there is no judgement

I am by no means getting better, and if I am, I don't want to be

I have no idea how much I will blog anymore, mainly because nobody reads this so I can't be bothered

I miss the good old days.

fuck

CJ

Just a day, just an ordinary day

Hey, sorry I haven't blogged in a while,

but I don't think anybody reads this anyway

I haven't purged in FOREVER

so I have been restricting and my weight slowly going down

I'll post more later, I can't be bothered to think this early in the morning

CJ