The little train that could

I would like to dedicate this post to three special people.

1) Gabby- Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou. Thank you for reading my blog, for being my friend on pt and for keeping me sane on the interweb. Your comments and your blog posts make me realize I'm not alone and I can't give up because my world is bigger than just me.

2)Nikki- You are my stronghold in the real world. We don't talk about anything too in depth personal wise, and that makes me feel good, because I have to force myself to be cheery and positive, which in the end, saves me from myself and doing stupid things to myself. If we didn't text every day, I really don't know how I would have made it this far. That sounds a bit extreme, so sorry for that, but really, you give me supreme strength.

3)Marcus (alias)- Thank you for being my boyfriend. For finding me bleeding to death and overdosed when we only first started dating and saving my life. Thank you for putting up with my depression, my lost faith, my borderline personality disorder and the horrible words I throw at you. I'm glad that you are still here. I am aware your love is conditional and I don't want to lose you. You make me want to better myself and stay in school.

I've been such a debbie downer lately and I'm trying to find my footing and focus on the really important things in life such as exercise, Pokemon and getting better. Bear with me a little longer, I shall be back to my old self soon if I really focus on what matters.

I truly love you all, more than I can ever express in words and actions,

CJ

I M 4 U, S I M, 4 F R, N F R N F R

I am so fat compared to one of my friends

She must be 90 pounds

I was looking at my facebook and noticed a picture and I am sitting here wanting to puke and cut and cry because I am a mammoth. A behemoth. A whale. A disgrace to my ed. I am going to go to the toilet and puke my bloody brains out and then go for a walk outside. I don't want to, but I am going to show this body who is boss.

When I come back from visiting my boyfriend this weekend I am fasting for a week. no excuses. I will buy my own pack of cigarettes!

Who knows if I will finish school? I do not wish to go at all this week. I am far too stressed and I missed group again. Oops. I am down half a pound however. Yipee.

I was trying to explain to my boyfriend how there was no pollock in my house (80 cals, it was my safe food today) so I almost cried and he said "This makes me really wonder how you'll handle real life problems" eff you too buddy. But he made up for that comment by sending me something Pokémon related (I can't say what it is, in case he ever reads my blog, because he'll never be an adorable nerd again if I spilled the beans)

okay, that's it! So stay strong, don't eat, stay motivated and don't die yet

*** I went to the bathroom to puke and I always weigh myself before and after, and my scale was not there. How the FUCK did she get in here and take it again. No walk now, I am getting my razors ready. I will puke when I'm done***

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...and all the girls to the toilet

So I should probably do the whole "10 facts about me" thing,
so you all aren't feeling like you're following a robot
1) My name is CJ
2) I am slightly on the mad side of sane.
3) I'm not a fan of purging, but I do it on a regular basis
4) If you don't like Disney or Pokemon, you may hate my blog as these two things will be mentioned at one point or another
5) I live with my baby brother and my grandmother

I have changed the "10 things" to "5 things" as 5 things are all I can think of.

now to the real part of my blog:

I'm sitting in my basement, watching pokemon and posting on PT
and i am angry
angry at my family who keep buying copious amounts of bread
(is there a sale on loaves of bread somewhere? they should really stop)
I'm angry that I have not done my homework yet
Angry that I dont want to sleep
and angry that my grandma took the car without letting me know
(so much for me tanning and working out for four hours)

On the plus side,
I've drank tons of water
and I am actually contemplating cleaning my room.

I didn't weigh today, as my scale was upstairs (thaaanks grandma) and I am hiding in my basement (since yesterday) I will weigh tomorrow. Tomorrow's post with either be decently happy or horridly depressing.