russian roulette with a bunch of guns??

I had a long, fun weekend

school work, friends, fashion shows, boyfriend

it was exhausting but good at the same time

Since I was at my boyfriends' house all weekend,

I haven'T weighed, and I won't today,

I've eaten a mandarin orange, zero fat yogurt and green tea

and I am going to go to a dance thing and the gym

so tomorrow I should be down

I just want to be sexy for my christmas trip with my bf

I want him to think I'm the sexiest person in the world

fuck I want a smoke but it is so flipping cold outside

CJ

It's a new day

So I don't know what the fug is wrong with my body

But I am 99+24.4 lbs

and I have 2 shows this weekend

I have walked everywhere, purged everything (never ate more than 300 cals)

played in the snow

kept up with my fluids

and I still won't go down

I think I may need to get myself some laxs, I'm convinced that is the problem and my body doesn't work without them

Staying positive and busy and not giving up though,

because I've got some sweet ass friends who are getting skinny as fuck

and I'm gonna be right down there with them before my Costa Rica trip mid december

CJ

come one come all

guess my weight guess my weight

you don't even want to know, trust me

costa rica for christmas,

water park this saturday

I'm disgusting I don't want to be seen in public with this

I barely leave my room

working out tonight, need to work out hard

cut myself again

bf freaked out, of course he did

I would too if I were him

my body won't stop cracking, it is gross

I am gross

my skin is revolting

fuuuufuufufuu

CJ

noone reads this, I could care less

If I cut myself,

died, bleeding on the floor in my res room,

how long do you think it would take someone to realize?

a couple days I bet, maybe longer, depending

theres nowhere to hang myself really, which is a shame, but I do have all those drugs

from when they took out my teeth

think I could die from all of those?

I would love to do that,

just go to sleep, nice and long, forever

I am going to go puke up my guts and my life,

go tanning then get all pretty, wrap plastic wrap around my body

and go get a book I want and then maybe go to class

I can't die today, because I need to die skinny

CJ