Bienvenue à mon cerveau.
Welcome to my brain.

lundi 28 février 2011

Just smile

I really want somebody to make my blog look pretty
I want my blog to reflect me
but just like my life and my style, it doesn't
oh well
went to school today and I only drank water and tea
time for some Castle, BBT and and Heavy <3

"Are you from Ireland? Because you've got my penis Dublin"
HAHAHAHA
have a great night xox

dimanche 27 février 2011

La joie de vivre est dans nous tous et toutes

What a silly mini vacation at le hopital
Some things were good, I thought about alot
in terms of improving my mental health and going to school
but when they offered recovery,
I politely declined, I am not ready, and frankly, don't want to
I now have a work out buddy hopefully
and my house is full of disgusting cookies

oh well,
catching up on blogs now, SO many to read in five days,
but it gives me hope
and reminds me why I'm here

ps- totally snuck my scale onto the unit and am down two pounds, at least it's something

xox

mardi 22 février 2011

NYC fall 2011

Just went on my old modelling blog to see who's hot
and my old best friend is in SIX shows for New york fashion week
and one eyewear ad
I am happy for her
but I am so upset
because if I wasn't still so fat
and cut up
that would have been me
It's a good thing I'm going to a hospital tomorrow
She will be my motivation

Mini-Vacation Time? Apparently


Day 2 of no binge down
I'm off to the hospital tomorrow for a couple of days
cos my therapist is concerned about my ed,
so I'm doing my hair so I look better than all the other crazies
:P
I have seen the perfect legs on gazellethighs' blog
so I am re-posting them because,
holy crap they are amazing
same weight as yesterday, 99+21.2
Stay strong lovelies!

ps- i'm not getting sent to the ed ward

pps- the ward im in has a treadmill and doesn't monitor food HOORAH

lundi 21 février 2011

Where'd she go? Here I am

3 day binge free plan with Nikki starts today
day 1 for me- fruit
day 2- veggies
day 3-friuts + veggies
no purging allowed
weight: 99+ 21.2
disgusting
sorry if I scared you Gabby,
promise I'm back for good

lundi 14 février 2011

Bonsoir

I am a failure
in everything I do
particularly with eating
I can't weigh anymore, the bitch took my scale this afternoon and I have no money for a new one
I can't exercise, my IT band is fucked up bad
I'm a fat disgusting pig
I don't deserve to be on here, to have friends
followers,
this is my last post
I'm off to live my life full of chocolate cake
fatness, unhappiness
and imperfection

mercredi 9 février 2011

Sexy Asian Dance Party.. Whaaaat

I'm back
and peppy
and I like my hair
I'm going to get it trimmed by a pro
and then dye it slightly darker
woot
Purged like a mofo
and have lost 3 pounds in two days
feeling good!
side note- goofed up my IT band (something in my leg apparently)
so cannot walk or work out
but I'm determined to find some kind of situp
that won't make me cry
I photograph like a fat twelve year old

mardi 8 février 2011

Wait until Sharon sees...

Just chopped off all my hair.
It was down to my mid-boob
now it's at my ears.
Pretty sure I tore something in my knee too.
Mental breakdown=dumping boyfriend

bald fat gimpy lesbian?
Success

dimanche 6 février 2011

Rien a dire

Im still alive
but im fat
and depressed.
five years ago she died.
she fucking pulled the trigger
and left me in this hellhole



Once upon a time there were two birds. A brown bird and a jbird. The jbird was the prettiest jbird in the world and she was absolutely wild. Brown bird was average at best and the speed and wonder at which the jbird lived her life fascinated the little brown bird. Seeing this the jbird took brownbird under her wing and showed her all the magic of her world. Brownbird and jbird became the best of friends, secretly, so that all the other brownbirds wouldnt get angry at brownbird for flocking with different birds that they didnt understand. One day, jbird flew to visit her momma bird and brown bird was left behind. While jbird was visitng her momma bird, she beacme sad. Brownbird wasnt there to make her smile and jbird had nobody to talk to. Jbird decided that life as a bird was not worth the pain and trouble and sorrow, and ended her fabulous birdy life. Brownbird was left all alone in a world of magic and wonder that she didnt understand and didnt have a control of. Brownbird couldnt go back to just being a brown bird, all the other brown birds knew she was different now and wouldnt accept her back into their flock. jbird had left brownbird all alone in her world of magical exotic birds while jbird flew in heaven watching over her silently. imu jbird. the end


be back soon