I'm a mess, but who gives a flying fuck

shall I puke?

shall I cut?

shall I cry?

My skills are telling me to talk to somebody

I want to talk to somebody

instead of cut myself up

but my heart is telling me to stop talking and sharing emotions and to just cut cut cut

until I can'T see my stomach anymore

and to puke puke puke

until I pass out, or cough up only blood

decisions decisions,

I don'T know which one to make

Disney always says to follow your heart,

motivational speakers say to follow your dreams,

decisions decisions

CJ

fuck.that

I wasted two years of my life

trying to get better

for somebody

who can't be with me anymore

because I am a sad, fat person.

What is the point of being healthy

if you hate yourself

and nobody likes you either?

CJ