Too many novels is no good for one's mind

I'll go mad before I finally die.
I am slowly going mad.
I am a caged animal, with no room to breathe and am forced to perform silly tricks for an uneducated animal handler.
I'm going mad.
Tomorrow I should be at a place that I have not forgotten, but I'm sure has forgotten me, as with whom the plan had been made. 
Instead, I am far away, severed from my freedom, my joy
and forced to walk on my hands for indifferent applause. 
I am mad. 
The clocks chime, and I do not notice, as in my head,
there is no time, only panic, 
hatred, remorse, longing, sadness 
and the idea that I am already on Sugarcandy mountain, 
but the food is spoiled and though there is no work, there is nothing to do
but sit and go mad, 
dreaming of a time when I performed tricks and roamed free

CJ

Maybe this time I will learn

Every now and then, life teaches us lessons.
There are consequences that we knew would be ours, 
yet we turned a blind eye to them, 
pretending they didn't exist.
Then, they catch up to us, 
and we are left with holes in our hearts, 
pieces of our souls are gone; 
we become broken, unfixable.
That part that the consequence has taken from us shall never be made to work again.
And so we blame some dastardly deed that was not our fault for our downfalls,
our shortcomings and our emotional instability,
when really,
we knew what would happen, to a certain extent, and how broken we would be after.
We have dug our own graves, put the bullet to our heads, 
and yet claim we were pushed and the trigger pulled itself. 
We have lived lessons we brought upon ourselves, 
and some of us never learn from these.
We just pull the trigger again and again, 
to live in the moment because we are weak, 
like children, not facing the future, not knowing any better.

CJ