Bienvenue à mon cerveau.
Welcome to my brain.

vendredi 15 avril 2011

too much effort

Screw making a new blog,
if whoever wants to creep it
that is their business
so,
I have purged at least 4 times every day recently
my therapist got an ED clinic person to come
and she was fat.
(i mean normal people standards fat, not just mine)
but lalalala down 4 pounds since monday,
slow and steady wins the race
99+18 by monday
ps-CONGRATS NIKKI ON BEING FABULOUS + CATCHING UP TO ME
you skinny bitch <3
umm in other news, getting my nose pierced tomorrow and shopping with my man
have a fab weekend everybody!

samedi 9 avril 2011

Look at this picture of me

"I am obviously over weight and don't have nice bones and am close to 160-180, but I'm going to post this picture of me anyway, and since mean comments on PT will be get deleted or flagged, and nobody wants to hurt my feelings, everybody will tell me I am pretty, and I will feel loved and skinny!"
you're fat. Stop posting pictures to fish for compliments about your obviously extremely flawed body. everybody lies when they comment.

UGH. I am such a bitch but really, If I want to see chunky people thinking they're hot and all these fake posts about how pretty they are, I'll log onto Facebook.

Sorry about the rant.
Actually, no I'm not, you should all expect this by now,
don't like? don't read
:)

jeudi 7 avril 2011

She lied

Diet? Diet my ass. Last time I checked, diets don't make a person gain 3-4 pounds in two days.
I am off her diet now, it probably works for larger people, but not me.
Today I stayed home from school, gonna write this damned dissertation if it kills me,
then off to the gym from 5-8 (spin class, weight training, yoga class), then back home, do my hair and nails for work, maybe work on physics
There is this thing in my skills group in therapy that we do called "describe" without interpretations (ie the person in the picture has blonde hair, smiling and has her hand in the air instead of the blond girl is happy and waving) and it is really hard to do, but i'm trying to do it with people when I think they are being mean to me on purpose and instead i use just the facts, and it helps a lot, which makes me feel better because it isn't always directed at me, so then I don't b/p or get bummed out,
I guess if you don't do DBT or have BPD, it doesn't make sense, but it will help with my weight.
fact: a binge has momentary satisfaction.
fact:the gym for 3 hours might feel unpleasant and long, but there is a chance you will be down a couple pounds tomorrow, which will make the day brighter and you're more likely to do well.
fact: I am going to stop blogging because I am postponing my dissertation again.
I might not blog this weekend, because I have university course selection,work all 3 nights and oodles more homework, so,
have a gooder! see y'all monday!

mardi 5 avril 2011

Queen of the Universe

I keep clicking on topics on pt to respond, then see her posts
and spend the rest of the time laughing at her
my gawd, she makes no sense
a huge bitch, but it makes me feel better about myself
that there is somebody out there who is as crazy and pathetic as her
hahaha

La vie n'est pas belle

My little brother didn't want to go to the gym with me today
so now I am not at the gym
I threw up the tacos they made me
Sharon is calling me an ass over and over again and calling me stupid and other horrible things
I have nowhere to hide, nowhere to run, so
I am going to not talk for the rest of the night
Ignore her
and play the Sims
hopefully tomorrow will be better
I'm scared to know what I weigh

lundi 4 avril 2011

Day 1 + 2 of the 'diet'

Yesterday wasn't as much food as I thought she would make me eat, I started at 99+21 lbs (gross, please don't judge), had oatmeal (110) , chicken (110) salad +dressing (20), bit of salmon (50), more salad (20) for a total of 310 calories.
Then I worked for 4 hours. (heels + stairs + running around because it was mad busy= calories burned) The night before I had gone dancing for 3 hours in heels after working a bit too.
I'm not allowed to weigh myself today which sucks but whatever
Nikki and I are doing a plan: NO bingeing for 3 days and at least 1 hour of exercise and no weighing till it's done, nervous but we can do this!! <3 <3 <3
Gonna go to goodlife tonight and do a body pump class (weights and abs and what not) and then yoga for 75 mins with my little brother!
It started out as a crap day and a crap weekend, but has turned alright
Today for the diet I had oatmeal (110) and a peanut butter dill pickle sandwich (250?) (they were my favorite sammie as a kid) and for supper some type of seafood (dunno what it will be)
gotta get a bday prezzie for my man too, probably book on some animal person and a sexy little outfit, gosh I hope have enough money

Have a great night! <3 <3

vendredi 1 avril 2011

Marcus proposed!!

It was amazingly cute, we went to the zoo
and he arranged a hippo seeing
and a private dinner
it
was
amazing!


APRIL FOOLS!!
hahh did I fool any of you?
Gosh I could not get married yet,
a) not until i'm 99 pounds
b) not until I finish uni
c) not until I am 21 at least, because my grandma would kill me

Speaking of her, she said she would pay for my gym membership and that of my baby brothers too if I follow her diet for a week (weight watchers type thing)
but it is around 900 calories a day, which scares me to death, and she will monitor my purging too
she will probably take away my scale for the week too

I went shopping today and got: a jean jacket, a flowery pencil skirt, a tank top, 2 bandeaus, a button down shirt, a silky shirt, a sexy bra+pantie combo and a bunch of rings, necklaces and a bangle all for UNDER 100$ what a great day

have a great weekend everybody!