too much effort

Screw making a new blog,

if whoever wants to creep it

that is their business

so,

I have purged at least 4 times every day recently

my therapist got an ED clinic person to come

and she was fat.

(i mean normal people standards fat, not just mine)

but lalalala down 4 pounds since monday,

slow and steady wins the race

99+18 by monday

ps-CONGRATS NIKKI ON BEING FABULOUS + CATCHING UP TO ME

you skinny bitch <3

umm in other news, getting my nose pierced tomorrow and shopping with my man

have a fab weekend everybody!

NYC fall 2011

Just went on my old modelling blog to see who's hot

and my old best friend is in SIX shows for New york fashion week

and one eyewear ad

I am happy for her

but I am so upset

because if I wasn't still so fat

and cut up

that would have been me

It's a good thing I'm going to a hospital tomorrow

She will be my motivation

Mini-Vacation Time? Apparently

Day 2 of no binge down

I'm off to the hospital tomorrow for a couple of days

cos my therapist is concerned about my ed,

so I'm doing my hair so I look better than all the other crazies

:P

I have seen the perfect legs on gazellethighs' blog

so I am re-posting them because,

holy crap they are amazing

same weight as yesterday, 99+21.2

Stay strong lovelies!

ps- i'm not getting sent to the ed ward

pps- the ward im in has a treadmill and doesn't monitor food HOORAH

Sexy Asian Dance Party.. Whaaaat

I'm back

and peppy

and I like my hair

I'm going to get it trimmed by a pro

and then dye it slightly darker

woot

Purged like a mofo

and have lost 3 pounds in two days

feeling good!

side note- goofed up my IT band (something in my leg apparently)

so cannot walk or work out

but I'm determined to find some kind of situp

that won't make me cry

I photograph like a fat twelve year old

Intervention: "CJ"

I want to be fat skinny. I want to not be bent over the toilet until I pass out. 
I hate my stomach. My scars. The words etched into my body. The judgements that follow me wherever I go when people notice them. I want to be free of this condemned shell. I want to be happy. I don't want to look at the blob in the mirror anymore. I don't want to face the reality that I have become. I want to see a happy girl. Clear skin. Toned body. Smiling face. Long silky hair. Beautiful collar bones. Concave stomach. A boyfriend who's smile does not try in vain to mask sadness and despair. 
Do you hear what I'm saying? I don't want the life I live anymore. I don't want this eating disorder. But I don't want to be fat. Don't you see? This is the only way I'll be happy. I will lose friends, family, opportunities, self respect, everything, on this path. But I can always create new friends, family isn't everything, self-respect can be rebuilt and opportunities will come again.
I'm willing to sacrifice everything to shed this skin, be a new, thinner person I will be proud of, what are you willing to lose?