Dear Lord, have mercy on us

Sorry I have not posted in a while, things have been hectic in my life

ummmmm

I've been thinking a lot

I hate when people get better

I want to be sicker in every sense of the word

I fail at being religious

Why can't I see my collar bones

My teeth are kind of wiggly

Why do I chose food over relationships

I'll never be stick thin in time for school in the fall, let alone summer

My thoughts revolve around food, boyfriend and school, in that order

My grandma wants to start a diet (like 500 cals a day) type thing so I said I would do it with her.

Going to try not purge every day, or only once a day

also going to walk once a day to tanning

also I want to stop therapy

Have a great Easter, God Bless, may his favour and forgiveness rain down upon us all from the heavens for all our sins. Amen.

La vie n'est pas belle

My little brother didn't want to go to the gym with me today

so now I am not at the gym

I threw up the tacos they made me

Sharon is calling me an ass over and over again and calling me stupid and other horrible things

I have nowhere to hide, nowhere to run, so

I am going to not talk for the rest of the night

Ignore her

and play the Sims

hopefully tomorrow will be better

I'm scared to know what I weigh

La joie de vivre est dans nous tous et toutes

What a silly mini vacation at le hopital

Some things were good, I thought about alot

in terms of improving my mental health and going to school

but when they offered recovery,

I politely declined, I am not ready, and frankly, don't want to

I now have a work out buddy hopefully

and my house is full of disgusting cookies

oh well,

catching up on blogs now, SO many to read in five days,

but it gives me hope

and reminds me why I'm here

ps- totally snuck my scale onto the unit and am down two pounds, at least it's something

xox

NYC fall 2011

Just went on my old modelling blog to see who's hot

and my old best friend is in SIX shows for New york fashion week

and one eyewear ad

I am happy for her

but I am so upset

because if I wasn't still so fat

and cut up

that would have been me

It's a good thing I'm going to a hospital tomorrow

She will be my motivation

Mini-Vacation Time? Apparently

Day 2 of no binge down

I'm off to the hospital tomorrow for a couple of days

cos my therapist is concerned about my ed,

so I'm doing my hair so I look better than all the other crazies

:P

I have seen the perfect legs on gazellethighs' blog

so I am re-posting them because,

holy crap they are amazing

same weight as yesterday, 99+21.2

Stay strong lovelies!

ps- i'm not getting sent to the ed ward

pps- the ward im in has a treadmill and doesn't monitor food HOORAH

When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade, it has too many calories

So, I calmed down after my last post, it was a little extreme, but that is how I am. Black and White. Extremes and Intensity. My boyfriend has left today, and I have lost but two pounds since the first. I am extremely disappointed in myself. Also, my individual therapy has been cancelled because her mom is dying back in Japan. This is two months now, no wonder I'm going stark mad. All my walls are being put back up and I'm beginning to get angry and blank. But no! I must think positive, think of five things in my life that are good:

1. Nikki and I are on a binge-free week and we've done amazing up to date
2. My financial situation may possibly be turned around in a week
3. I have the determination to study every night for my math diploma in three weeks
4. I am losing weight
5. I have a wonderful support system of friends, family and internet stalkers

I'm going to be blog as much as I can while I cram quadratic formulas and statistics in my brain so I do not binge and keep you all informed of my very very boring life that, at the moment, revolves around starving, puking and equations.

ps- thinspiration-pictures.blogspot.com saves my life. Check it out.

pps- I'm sad that some of the blogs I follow have stopped posting for weeks now, and it makes me sad

ppps-The sun in shining and so shall I