Hello, my name is Pathetic

Photoshoot in a half an hour

and Im so fucking fat today, I don't even know why I said I would do it

yesterday, I was talking with my friend

(he's such a cutie of a guy, not my type at all but I get why girls like him)

and he was talking about how he likes tall, fit, model type girls

(he's searching for the 'perfect girl')

and then goes on to say he's not shy about telling a girl she's pretty.

If he thinks she's pretty, he tells her straight up

and it's like

hold on. I've known you for 6 weeks

and you've never said anything to me

I know he didn't mean it like that

but it's one of those things where I just want people to think that

I'm pretty or fit or skinny or want me or whatever

(everyone wants to be wanted)

and it hurt really bad, so I went into my bedroom and purged

and now I don't want to eat all fucking week and get super skinny

and I know it doesn't matter because my bf loves me and thinks I'm pretty

but I'm so fucking insecure and I need that type of reassurance

I'm so pathetic

and so scared to weigh

because I'm a fucking whale

CJ