I hate my stomach. My scars. The words etched into my body. The judgements that follow me wherever I go when people notice them. I want to be free of this condemned shell. I want to be happy. I don't want to look at the blob in the mirror anymore. I don't want to face the reality that I have become. I want to see a happy girl. Clear skin. Toned body. Smiling face. Long silky hair. Beautiful collar bones. Concave stomach. A boyfriend who's smile does not try in vain to mask sadness and despair.
Do you hear what I'm saying? I don't want the life I live anymore. I don't want this eating disorder. But I don't want to be fat. Don't you see? This is the only way I'll be happy. I will lose friends, family, opportunities, self respect, everything, on this path. But I can always create new friends, family isn't everything, self-respect can be rebuilt and opportunities will come again.
I'm willing to sacrifice everything to shed this skin, be a new, thinner person I will be proud of, what are you willing to lose?
I used to say I would be careful. I used to say I could do this and keep everything. Now I am scared and losing everything. But as I said before, once you decide that being thin is the most important thing, there are no more decisions to make. READ THE BOOB TATTOO. (see comment on my blog.)
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