As short a post as a very short...;)

I need to leave my house. I have sat in bed all day. My basement looks like a party went down, except only coke zero and water were drank. (There is seriously 24 cans of pop and at least 10 water bottles) I want my scale. I feel too fat. I want to puke and cut.

heres the poem: (its very long. and it sucks ha)

Where have you gone

my beautiful girl

my one and only love

You've disappeared into

shadow and dispair

where I dare not follow

The lines on your face

tell no more of happiness

and a joyous life

But instead of fear

longing, and emotions

I cannot recognize

Where have you vanished

my effervescent light

my reason to stay on this earth

Underneath your rage

your layers of lies

are you still even there

Do you cling to your bones

and your toilet bowl

wishing they were instead I

Can you recall the days

of Sunday brunch

when your curves seduced me so

Your hollow eyes have no fire

your lust is gone

for all except perfection

My wonderful love

you fade from the world

a memory wishing to be forgot

You're no longer here;

no body nor spirit

have you succumbed at last

My corpse of a love

I will be always with you

despite my better judgement

Where have you gone

my innocent girl

you are my heart and soul

You're in the ground

with hate and despair

In the grave I watched you build

She will wear you out, livin la vida loca

So I haven't blogged in a couple days because

i was livin la vida loca!

In reality, I was christmas shopping like MAD and I went out dancing two nights in a row.

my GAWD. I have not been out forever, and I forgot how much men and boys alike enjoy trying to grope my bum. It makes me convinced i need to get skinny so much quicker so they have nothing to grab next time I go dancing.

mood: Depressed

the fat woman that lives upstairs has yet again broken into my basement.

she has taken, yes, TAKEN my scale and hid it.

"You can have this back every friday, but youre obsessed."

HI im CJ and i have an EATING DISORDER. DUH

I have scoured the house for my buried treasure but it is nowhere to be found.

While christmas shopping, i may or may not have stolen numerous panties (XS) shirts (XS) and even managed to somehow get hollister jeans (1-uugh). The shopping god must realize I am broke and decided to lend me a hand

how all of those things fit into my tiny purse is still a mystery to me,

on a more morbid note,

i wonder how much a gun costs, for those just incase circumstances when life looks a little too unpleasant. I've already done the od thing, the slicing myself up from nave to nape, seems this way might be a bit more interesting.

gabby: I love your questions, ask whatever you like (that goes to all my other internet stalkers too). I do coke and shrooms. I used to smoke weed but it makes me paranoid sometimes and I popped e but disliked it. i will never try meth or heroin or anything because, despite the fact i am an avid cutter and see my own blood on a regular basis, sticking a sharp object in my vein makes me queasy.

last meal: thursday night (purged). last time i drank water: cant remember. last time i tried to purge: when i woke up (i must be mad) weight: 99+????

I hope your weekends were as starved and calorie burned as mine.

ps- I wrote a poem (i'm not the greatest at poetry) and I'm debating posting it. but i dont want to be laughed at.