Today has been quite an adventure, mes ami(e)s!
first off, I live with my grandma because I have no money to my name
and she took me in when I was a year old
and I love her to death, crazy and fat as she is.
No school again today, but three and a half hours of therapy. Merde.
No, I am not mad enough to have three and a half hours all to myself, though, I would quite enjoy talking about myself for that amount of time. It was family therapy and a group on "building distress tolerance skills".
The irony to this, kids, is I bought an almond milk steamer with sugar free vanilla prior to group, and purged twice while group was in session. Some distress tolerance skills I have...
Speaking of that, I purged, four? Five times today? Six perhaps-I've lost count, my head is fuzzy.
I had spots of blood, which reminded me of periods and how I desperately wish not to have them.
Periods are rank. Bodily functions in general gross me out. Has anybody ever said to you "I love it when you excrete mucus and lining from where my mouth will be?" I really hope nobody has said this to you, if they do, there is a good possibility they are a cannibal. I would run. The moral to that story is this: I will be so happy when I wake up and my period decides not to come again because I'm finally thin enough again.
99+19.6 on the scale today, at least I went down, but if I had worked out longer, I KNOW i would have been down to 99+18. Damn having to rely on others and their automated transportation systems. I honestly wish I could ride my horse across the barley field and into town. (True story, I used to do that in grade six all the time. Ok, I did it once, but still...) Sadly, there is no barley, no horse and no town anymore. I am stuck in the suburbs of life where public transit enjoys making me fat and miserable.
I'm developing a plan for my life in the next few weeks:
part 1) go to school part 2) do homework part 3) do copious amounts of mind altering drugs so I have the energy to perform these tasks part 4) lose massive amounts of weight because said drugs make me forget to eat part 5) do not let boyfriend, grandmother or teachers find out about said plan.
I feel this is a realistic plan if I can convince my ex boyfriend to pay for my drugs.
on a side note,
DRUGS ARE BAD. PURGING IS BAD. USING MEN SHAMELESSLY IS BAD. getting everything you want, however, is priceless.
Good night world,
hopefully, i have better humor and more interesting tales to tell. (life is drab when it only consists of waking up, bingeing, purging and going to therapy)
PS-my highlighted text is hard to read sometimes, I am aware. Too bad. The pretty colours remind me of spring, which seems too far away...
Sad to admit how freaking long it took me to figure out what you were doing with your weight (GW + extra) I didn't want to ask because I though it must be simple and then I would look incredibly moronic. Sorta like how I am gonna look by posting this! Anyways, out of my need to know everything I ask a question which you have no obligation to answer. What type of mind-altering drugs do you use? Sorry. None of my business!
RépondreSupprimer