54321stop54321breathe54321

Went home this weekend. Bad idea. stressed to the maximum the second I walked in the door.

Wrecked the whole weekend with my spazzy 'I can't handle stress' bullcrap. Got a bit tipsy.

Got fat. fat.fat.fat.fat.fat.

Need to carve that word into my skin until I learn my lesson.

My face is swollen. My hands are swollen. My feet are swollen. I am swollen everywhere.

I just want to close my eyes and sleep forever.

Half a banana+1/2cup soymilk+espresso. I don't even want to count the calories (94)

I need to take my lax.

I will make today a good day. Come home and nap then gym, get my car fixed, pay my phone bill, fill up my tank, starve, not cut, not dream about drugs. I don't wish for bad things when he is around. He is my filter. filters out the bad things, only lets in the good. But he won't be here for two days. I am so pathetic. Must be independent.

Ex told me that he is getting me back if it takes five years. He was the happiest he's ever been with me and he never wants to let that go. Guess what? I don't care. There is a reason I broke up with him. I have found somebody who I actually love and don't need to be coked out of my brain to fuck. so smd and get out of my brain.

Sorry this post really sucks, it was thundering last night, sweltering hot, lightning, woke up at 3,5,6. ie I am a zombie today. I wonder how many calories a brain has in it. hmm.

CJ