you just need a fraction of a hair more muscle tone.
I don't know what to make of this. I had one of those 'question my whole ED and existence' episodes last night and asked a friend if I really would be more attractive and perfect if I was skinnier. according to him no, I just need to stop being flabby. No, I would be better at least 20 pounds lighter and toned actually, so I guess I answered my own question. I'm not ready to be done with this whole thing.
I feel so disconnected from the world right now. I have no friends up here really, (and if I did, I don't have the money for gas to go see them anyway) so I feel alone and useless. The weather is such crap, I don't even want to leave the house. I wish I hadn't moved. Yes, this is good for my ED and stress levels, but truth be told, I am a spoiled brat. I do not enjoy having nobody to get me things or clean up after me. I need somebody around to listen to me talk non stop. I am an attention whore and very high maintenance. When Marcus gets back to town and figures this out, I think he will want me gone. I am so lonely.
Food plan today: oatmeal (110) yogurt (35) broth (10) carrots (45) banana (100) egg (80) total: 380.
work out plan: spin class 530-630 (260-500 cals burned, depending on how hard I push), body flow (yoga/pilates type) 630-730 (100 cals give or take)
fuck, hardly anything in being burned is these classes, no wonder I am still a disgusting fat flabby pig.
must.stay.positive.
CJ
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