We want it all with no sacrifice

Hello everybody. I had a very long weekend, what with working everyday.

But I had a great Sunday: church, beach, had a couple's outing with friends.

but then I had a nightmare in which I was going to a casting and some chick came up and started saying all of the crap that I have done (cut, drugs etc) over the last couple years and so the people didn't hire me. I woke up crying. No more modeling ever again as punishment for all my cutting and drug use is a bit harsh, but it is the truth and it breaks my heart.

I haven't purged in forever, mainly because I can't in this house and at work there are always work people in the room. I'm not cured or anything, but it is a nice feeling to just restrict.

Hopefully this lasts. No actually, this WILL last. I would much rather go back to restricting than purging.

Staying under 200 calories today (egg, tea, broth, carrots) and going to the gym after work, no excuses. I will do this. time to get my fat ass in gear.

I hope everyone is well.

CJ